It’s helpful to understand that the characteristics you see in someone with BPD developed for a reason that, in my experience, always includes some form of continuous emotional childhood trauma where they are invalidated, belittled, insulted and betrayed constantly usually by those who they look to as the ones who should be taking care of them. Their behaviors were developed as the only ways they found to effectively meet their needs. While it may seem selfish, they are the only option they have without learning new strategies.

On the other side of things though, I agree with you. I have had several people with BPD in my life including a roomate who while not quite as extreme as Glenn Close in Fatal attraction, wasn’t far from her. Several others I worked with. In all of the cases, the ways in which they set me up when I didn’t do what they wanted was horrific. So yes, in real life when you are caught up with one it can be extremely painful and they can lash out when you don’t meet their needs. You are correct in saying there is nothing wrong with walking away as while extending compassion is always a good thing, this doesn’t mean we have to put ourselves in abusive situations with others just because they can’t help the way they act. Depending on the situation, letting the person know you can’t maintain a relationship with them due to their behavior and what it is doing to you, but if they would seek therapy you might feel differently. It would have to be done in a way that indicated concern for the person and not be perceived by the person as manipulation or blackmail.

As always, I appreciate your feedback and comments. They always serve to add something to my articles. Best wishes to you and yours, Garrick.